Vivian at 16 Months

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

My sweet girl is 16 (and a few odd weeks) old and things have been rough around here. There are plenty of moments when my skin hurts because she is so precious and I love her so much and there have times where I feel like I'm going to loose my everything.

"Want your pacifier? I don't like you to have it unless you're sleeping... but I am desperate!" 
Pacifier thrown at my face.

"Want some blueberries? Go ahead and walk around with them because it keeps you happy for ohhh… 2 minutes." 
Blueberries everywhere. 

When did my 16 month old suddenly start to act like a 16 year old? Sometimes when she's scream-crying while I'm trying to change the worst diaper of all time, I feel like I might join in on her song. 

We were having an awesome run about two months ago where she was a breeze to put down for naps and at night. When my baby (who never has been a good sleeper) only woke up once or twice a night AND put her self back to sleep! I was starting to find my groove (and my sanity!) as a mom. 

That was my first mistake.
 I got too comfortable and Vivian doesn't like it when I'm not on my toes. 

Things are finally starting to get better after a month or two of no naps and no sleep (for anyone)
While she's still hard to put down for naps- she does eventually take a good 1.5/2 hour long one.. most days.
While she no longer drifts off peacefully by her self at night- she only needs to lay with me and Kevin for a few minutes until she's out.
While she wakes up multiple times a night- she usually goes back to sleep pretty quickly when she's in bed with me. 

We regressed from what I thought was "perfect" to umm.. "not my idea of fun" 
So the universe and my daughter decided to teach me a lesson, perfect is what you make it.   

SO This is Vivian at 16 months:
4 top teeth and 2 bottom teeth with 2 molars coming in painfully slow
Blonde as blonde can be barely-there-hair that neither curls nor is capable of being put in a pig tail
Nurses whenever mom needs a break from the crying
Probably eats too many blueberries and food pouches
Still uses a pacifier at naps and bedtime but recently whenever a melt down is occurring (for both her and me)
Doesn't sleep in her crib much and prefers to sleep cuddled with me (I melt when her little arm wraps around me)
Plays with iPhone apps when it's too early or too late for this mama to entertain her 
Drinks the pool water 
& is absolutely the most perfect little girl I could have ever imagined. 

I probably still complain too much and react too dramatically to things I have no control over (like mother like daughter?!) but I'm trying. I'm trying to roll with the punches, pick my battles, and not wish away these first few years and moments with Vivian because they'll be gone all too soon. 

16 months of being a mom has been oh so good for my soul.

Truthful Friday No.6

Friday, August 15, 2014
Happy Friday! Fridays always seem a bit better than any other day of the week because it means hubby isn't working as much and even has a whole day off Sunday! I'm a mom so I don't really have "weekends" but having some extra help around the house really.. helps me out! I usually pretty burned out by Friday mentally and physically from all of the working out that goes on during the week. So I'm all about weekends because it means wine, carbs, and maybe doing a little less house work! Haha
So with all the celebrating that usually comes with Thursday turning into Friday, I want to talk about how I've been trying to stop "working for the weekend" (yeah that song is stuck in my head now!).

It seems that for a lot of my life I have been waiting. I just wanted to finish school so I could "start" my life or I couldn't wait until summer, or fall, or winter… or spring! I kept waiting for the next thing instead of enjoying what has going on right now. I've talked about being present before (probably a few times now..) but sorry, I'm not sorry! I think that it's the biggest contributor to the unhappiness we create for our selves. 

We wish our way though our current situations thinking "oh I'd be so much happier if.." then flash forward to "if" and we're onto the next wish. While it's not bad to have goals, if you're not appreciating where you are now, you'll wake up one day with nothing. 

Happiness is a journey, not a destination. 

So I've been trying to treat everyday like its Friday. I know that it's the tiny seeds we plant in our everyday that grow into the huge garden that is our life. So everyone of those seeds deserves to be planted with attention, time, and love. 

Some Midweek Motivation

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

I have a bit on my mind that I've been thinking about for entirely too long.
It's kind of my thing.. thinking too much. 
I work my poor brain and heart up with back and forth banter, 
indecisiveness, and hesitation. 
What if I fail?
What if I embarrass myself?
But when I finally do just do it
(because I always end up doing it in the end)
I feel awesome,
kindaa of like a super hero.

From my experience the regret that stings the most 
is inaction. 

So if you're on the fence about doing something..
consider this your sign from the universe.

Truthful Friday No. 5

Friday, August 1, 2014
One Truthful Friday post every few months is pretty good right?! 

I've been feeling extra present lately. Maybe it has a lot to do with the amount I've been working out lately, giving me a release and freeing up some of my mental space for the sweet little things. 

Lately Vivian has been going down at night so easily. It used to be a nightmare to get her to go down at the end of the day and that fact that she would usually wake up just a few hours later (and then again a few hours after that.. then again!) didn't make putting her to sleep any easier. But my sweet girl is finally starting to sleeping though the night (honestly? she still wakes up at least once but I'll take it) and to top it off, she goes down without a hitch! 

Every night we say goodnight to Daddy and give him a kiss then Vivian and I head into her room to rock and nurse. I turn on her nightlight, fan, and sound machine and we get into the glider. She likes to rub a corner of one of her blankets on her nose while she nurses. The room is dark, but the nightlight gives me just enough light to see the collage of pictures above her dresser. Her newborn canvas is right in the middle and I look at that while I rock and hold my not so little baby. I look over to her open closet where all her pretty girly clothes are hanging so carefully, I picture her wearing them the next day. Then I look down and see two little eyes getting very heavy. Her head is nestled into the crook of my elbow and I can see the outline of her head with tiny white hairs sticking out in all directions. It's not long before I set in her her crib and she rolls over with her pacifier and blanket up to her nose.

It's in that moment that I take a mental picture, every night. I know she won't be this little forever. I know she won't want to nurse or rock in my arms forever. And it will be too soon that I won't need to get up in the middle of the night to sooth her. 
So it's in those quite moments in the dark that I become infinite,
there is no end or beginning for me as her mother.
I've been made for moments like these with my daughter and she is my forever.
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