Vivian at 4

Monday, June 5, 2017
Slowly getting back into the habit of documenting our lives and I wanted to do a quick update on Vivian! She turned 4(?!) early April and she is so much more of a handful then ever. It's so weird and cool and heartbreaking but amazing to see how shes changed when I look back to her newborn days, even just a year ago she was so different! 

She hasn't been to the pediatrician since her 3 year check up, but shes about 50 pounds and tall for her age. Seeing her around other kids her age and it's clear that she hasn't quite outgrown that "90th percentile" life that she's been in since birth quite yet ;). She love to play with her baby dolls, a basic "Baby Alive" doll (affectionately called open-mouth baby) , and her Bitty Baby (closed-mouth or big baby). She has some of her old clothes and some preemie clothes that we've collected from kid resale places and newborn cloth diapers that are constantly scattered about the house, but she loves to dress an undress them. When they cry she promtly picks them up and hushes them "shhh it's ok sweetie heart". She makes them pillows from dish towels, and makes sure they have plenty milk by nursing them or giving the occasional bottle when she needs the break. 

She also loves any toy set that has about 1 million tiny as heck pieces and play dough that somehow always ends up caked into her pants. 

Since it's summer here in Boise we've been trying to enjoy our backyard before it gets to be too hot to stay outside long. She has a small collection of sprinklers that we run through and she likes to make mud in containers. We got a small planter garden going this year and she likes to help water and see the plants grow (and pull the strawberries before they're ready...). 

She has officially entered the tantrum stage, I'm pretty lucky to say she has never really been one to melt down until right before she turned 4! But the luck ran out and this mama is struggling on managing in a calm manner, and most days I fall short. We're figuring it out together and I'm beginning to learn what shes really asking for/trying to say when she has tough moments, all while giving myself some grace to fail and try again. 

Going outside is still this girls love language and is one sure way to calm and make her happy. We've been going to parks as much as possible and have started to test hikes. We end up carrying her and we're not too upset about that because it gives us a better work out haha!

A big advancement for us has been Vivian sleeping though the night a couple times a week. At 4 years old it might been unfathomable to other parents how we managed to survive, but we knew our child and knew that she needed comfort. We listened to her needs and cherished that fact that she needed us in the middle of the night and our patience paid off when she just randomly started sleeping in her own bed (alone!) all night long. Waking in the morning I have to ask Kevin if she really slept all night "again"?! 

Overall, she's a total dream. She is kind and intuitive to others needs and feelings. She is energetic and wild and so much fun. She makes everyday better and harder, and so much deeper than we could ever imagine!

Seeking Authenticty

Thursday, May 25, 2017

For quite sometime I had been feeling a churning in my soul for something and was having a difficult time figuring out exactly what it was I was wanting.. needing in my life. Anxiety is something I have struggled with my entire life, the earliest I remember experiencing it is 6 years old. Throughout my childhood I struggled to cope with it effectively and it began to effect my life and my relationships. Today, I find that I am so much stronger than I ever thought possible because I had to feel my way through 14 years of some of the most difficult years of my life to have the chance at having the beautiful life and family I have today. 

  The anxiety never left, I simply chose to stop feeding it and start creating a life that I wanted to live. 

The older I get the more I learn about myself and just how much suffering we can create that contributes to our own pain. We are very much the masters of our reality, and the only ones who can create a better life for ourselves and our families. 

This lead me to the idea of authenticity. Authenticity is defined as "original and not false or an imitation", being true to yourself. As the years come and go and I watch myself grow older and my daughter change right before my eyes and I can't help but look back and think of all the times where hustling for my own worthiness, acceptance, and love took priority over doing what I felt was genuinely me. 

I had always believed that I always did the best I could, and I still believe that. But now, I know more and I know better... so I want to be better. I want a deeply authentic life.

I want real connections with real people. I want experiences not things. I want to feel content with everything as it comes and goes, knowing that I am following the compass of my soul and whatever comes will be right and true. 

I want to share this journey in a community where we are all just trying to be our best selves. I want to put something out there that doesn't create a perpetuation of perfection or make someone want to buy their way to someone's approval through an online shopping cart. 

I want to be messy. I want to share my flaws and my fears and give myself grace upon grace despite those things that may make me feel as if in not already completely worthy and lovable as I am. 

There isn't enough time to spend your life any other way, and I am so ready to begin again.

A Little Imagination.

Saturday, August 29, 2015



  I feel an overwhelming sense of happiness when I catch Vivian in the middle of playing pretend and using that little imagination of hers. I recall the hours of time I spent playing outside as an explorer or hunched over my Barbies (hours and hours people, only stopping to use the bathroom and eat). 

I also feel responsible for fostering that imaginative play! Today there are so many digital means that we use (I'm not above putting on Daniel Tiger to buy myself some time to take a shower!) to entertain our children, but it's those hours playing with plastic figurines that I know we'll both remember forever.

Thanks for reminding me how to play sweet girl!

That Time my Heart Melted?!

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

This little girl loves her daddy.
And him? I saw that time look in his eyes the very first time he held her..

These two people are my world.

There really isn't anything more to say.

Getting into the Summer Swing.

Saturday, June 20, 2015

It feels like summer is already going by too fast so we've been making the effort to really get outside and soak it all in. Vivian and I spend most of the time outside in the back yard running through sprinklers (she counts "shree, shree, shree….. GO!") then laying on a quilt until we're dry and warm only to have her grab my hand and say "again!". 
We eat entire watermelon or pineapples in a day, and find all kinds of new and odd combinations to put into smoothies which end up being put in popsicle molds. 
We water the garden and the grass (let not forget mommy)!
Then when we've had enough and little girl decides it's time we go inside to nurse and fall asleep for a much needed nap.

Sometimes when we're laying on the quilt still wet from the sprinkler I'll look over and see Vivian looking at me and we'll whisper a little back and forth. I'll take note of her squishy cheeks with little drops of water on them and the cute way her eyes squint when she turns to the sun. A part of me wishes I had my camera in those moments and aches at the thought of this moment fleeing, but the other (more present..) part of me stays still and just takes it in. It's these moments that I know I'll remember most vividly when I'm old and gray, maybe looking at my baby holding her baby.  

So yay for summers (HOT summers.. it's supposed to be around 110 later this week…) and all of the sweet baby faces you can get!

Vivian at 2

Thursday, May 21, 2015
While I haven't blogged here in a while, 
I wanted to write a short post about Vivian being two.

Vivian turned two last month and it was like a switch turned and all of a sudden she was a toddler.

For example..
She's started talking a lot, we can have short conversations most of the time.
She has pretty epic melt downs and everyday I think "this is it.. what everyone warns you about..",
wrong. It gets worse. 
She is getting sneaky and is figuring out how to work the system (think fake crying and opening one eye to see if your looking/reacting).

…and yet she is getting even sweeter than I ever thought possible.
I'll bump into her while walking and she says "sahee".
She will kiss each scrape and bruise and after tell you that it's "ahhl bet"
Her smile…?!! The cheesiest little grin in the world, and it's uniquely her.
After nursing in the middle of the night I'll roll away from her and she moves in closer to spoon me, my mama heart has secretly come to need that in order to sleep.. sometimes I eagerly await her "maaaaa" cry in the middle of the night so I can sleep until morning with her.

She is exhausting, exhilarating, charming, challenging…
& lovely in every single way.

Vivian Alexandra Sommer,
 I can not believe that you are ours forever.
My life changed in so many ways the day you were born.
You saved me.
I will spend the rest of my life showing you just how grateful I am for that.

Love you always,

End of the Year Update!

Tuesday, December 30, 2014
I know that it's been awhile since I've blogged, but it's been a busy few months for our family. We've been house hunting, road triping, visiting with friends and family, and working on our passions and businesses. So here's an quick update on our little family while we're still in 2014!

Vivian has been talking a lot more! She understand pretty much everything we say to her and says a new word almost every day. She hasn't slept in her crib in MONTHS haha, but her wake ups have gone down to 2 or 3 a night. She is still nursing every few hours during the day, and for awhile I was having a hard time with it.. but I've recently chosen to enjoy this stage in our lives and if she wants to nurse every hour, I'm gonna enjoy every second of it. We got her off of her pacifier a little over two months ago and the transition wasn't too bad, but she definitely started nursing more so there was a trade off. We've recently started giving it to her at night again when I need a break, just to fall asleep then she spits it out. This decision was so hard after all of our hard work breaking the habit (she only had a pacifier to sleep anyways) but she didn't really completely ditch the habit, just replaced it with nursing haha. So if it gives me a little break at night, bring it on! We've always been a co-sleeping family but I would love to get her sleeping in her own bed/going to sleep before us so we can have some time at the end of the day to collect but again, I'm enjoying this time in out lives and not rushing or stressing to change it.

Kevin has been working hard, as always :). He went to a Crossfit seminar last month in Utah and Vivian and I got to tag along! It was our first road trip as a family of three and Vivian's first hotel stay. While Kevin was in his seminar Vivian and I explored Newpark in the freshly fallen deep snow. We ate pancakes, went swimming for the first time, and ran all over the hotel together. The drive was really easy and fun, it made me think about all of the long drives Kevin and I went on when we were still in Alaska. Vivian did really well during the 5 hour drive so I see a lot of road trips in our future! I'm really proud of Kevin for always wanting to be better. Be a better husband, father, and coach.. and it makes me want to be better.

My last blog post was about my doula workshop and I have since completed it, attended my first birth, and taken on a second client! I really love this work. It is so fulfilling and spiritually nourishing and I can't believe that I get to do this! I've been slowly getting my requirements completed for certification and am already looking forward to more certifications in the future. I've been building my doula business slowly (but surely!) since I completed the workshop. I've recently launched my Facebook page and have had a "soft opening" of my website. It's been nerve wrecking wondering if I'm doing all of this the right way. It wasn't until I realized that as long as I'm working from the heart, from a good place.. that I can't be wrong. I love this!

We've been looking for a house to buy for the past three months and while nothing is ever set in stone when you're buying a house until you have the keys in your hand, we found one! We're pretty far into the process and hopefully everything will be completed by the end of January. I'm sure this will have its's own blog post when the time comes :)

Our December has been so fun and filled with family, friends, and joy. Vivian was really into Christmas this year and has been a very good mommy to the baby doll she got haha. We want to thank everyone who thought of us this holiday season and know that we are so thankful for each and every one of you!

We hope that 2014 has been an incredible year for all of you and that the next year is even better!  Happy New Year!!

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