Seeking Authenticty

Thursday, May 25, 2017

For quite sometime I had been feeling a churning in my soul for something and was having a difficult time figuring out exactly what it was I was wanting.. needing in my life. Anxiety is something I have struggled with my entire life, the earliest I remember experiencing it is 6 years old. Throughout my childhood I struggled to cope with it effectively and it began to effect my life and my relationships. Today, I find that I am so much stronger than I ever thought possible because I had to feel my way through 14 years of some of the most difficult years of my life to have the chance at having the beautiful life and family I have today. 

  The anxiety never left, I simply chose to stop feeding it and start creating a life that I wanted to live. 

The older I get the more I learn about myself and just how much suffering we can create that contributes to our own pain. We are very much the masters of our reality, and the only ones who can create a better life for ourselves and our families. 

This lead me to the idea of authenticity. Authenticity is defined as "original and not false or an imitation", being true to yourself. As the years come and go and I watch myself grow older and my daughter change right before my eyes and I can't help but look back and think of all the times where hustling for my own worthiness, acceptance, and love took priority over doing what I felt was genuinely me. 

I had always believed that I always did the best I could, and I still believe that. But now, I know more and I know better... so I want to be better. I want a deeply authentic life.

I want real connections with real people. I want experiences not things. I want to feel content with everything as it comes and goes, knowing that I am following the compass of my soul and whatever comes will be right and true. 

I want to share this journey in a community where we are all just trying to be our best selves. I want to put something out there that doesn't create a perpetuation of perfection or make someone want to buy their way to someone's approval through an online shopping cart. 

I want to be messy. I want to share my flaws and my fears and give myself grace upon grace despite those things that may make me feel as if in not already completely worthy and lovable as I am. 

There isn't enough time to spend your life any other way, and I am so ready to begin again.

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