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Vivian at 18 Months.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

There is just so much that Vivian does that I absolutely love and want to remember forever so I thought I'd share them here so I can look back. 

We had a rough patch of sleep awhile back, but things have started to look up. We did try to "sleep train", but did it in a way we felt comfortable with. We would put her in her crib while she was awake and if she started crying, we picked her up right away and soothed her. When she stopped we'd put her back down before she fell asleep and of course she cried right away haha. We did that 10 times (!!) before I accidentally rocked her for too long and she fell asleep. She woke up and I repeated the process about 5 times with a little more fussing in between and on the 5th time she climbed out of her crib! I ran out of the room so quickly because I knew exactly what had happened. She was fine and her pacifier and blanket were on the ground so I think thats why she wanted to get out. So needles to say I finally moved the crib to the lowest level (I know… I should have done it a long time ago, but she seriously has never, ever shown any interest in climbing before!). She must have used her little money toes to help her get up there Because we don't have bumpers or anything. 

Now she sleeps with me in the spare bedroom so Kevin can get some sleep and she's only waking up once maybe twice. It just works out so much better, she is the biggest cuddler EVER! It's probably one of the best things to wake up and have this tiny little human snuggle into you and wrap her arm around you and fall right back asleep. As far as sleep training goes, we probably won't be doing it again. We don't like the idea of crying it out and while I know it's worked for a lot of people I know it's just not our thang ;) I don't complain about not getting sleep too much (except to Kevin haha) because I know we basically did it to ourselves haha. I think Vivian will sleep much better/easier if she was in a real bed so I've been looking at twin beds, that way I can lay with her until she falls asleep and get out easier than in the crib (how's that for a mental image? haha).

Just like every other child right now, she is in love with the movie Frozen. We listen to the Disney Pandora station and whenever a song from Frozen comes on she stops whatever she is doing and stares at the stereo then starts spinning with one arm out. That's how she dances!! Like a little ballerina. I don't dance like that and she won't dance any other way haha. 


She says "mama", "dada", "hi", and "bye" and that's about it for "real" words. But she says "dadog" for dog and a version of "dadag" for Grandpa whenever Kevin's mom comes to watch her (they either FaceTime him or he comes over while I'm gone). She can make an elephant sound (complete with an arm going up like a trunk), woofs like a dog, and moves her arms like a monkey. 


She is finally getting into books! She'll open them up and babble "baba bababa" while pointing to things on a page. She lets me read to her (longer than a sentence or two!) and gets into it. She knows what a lot of things are when I ask her to point them out. She has a Curious George book with shapes that pop out, I think thats her favorite. 

She understands a ton of stuff. We can tell her to "squat" and she does one (perfectly, I might add). She can throw garbage into the trash can, and often will do it unprovoked when she's done with a wrapper or something. She tells us when she has a dirty diaper and even has started walking to the bathroom when she needs to be changed. I set her on the potty just to get her used to the idea and I talk to her about it while I'm changing her diaper. 

Recently I've started to think she just might have a little OCD haha. When she walks into the kitchen and there's a drawer or cabinet at her level that is open she has to shut it. The other night we we're laying in bed with Kevin and she gets up to shut the bathroom door and then the bedroom door then crawled back into bed. Haha, I don't know if it's good or bad but it's cute. 

As always she likes to be outside, getting dirty or wet. She's loved playing in the leaves this fall and digging in the dirt out back. 

She has 4 molars, her 4 front, and two bottom teeth, and she's acting like she's about to get some more this week. 
Her hair is getting thicker and while I can kinda get a little pony put in, I'll spare her the embarrassment haha. 

She has her little diva moments when she lays on the ground and balls up, or makes the silliest fake sad/crying face. She can usually be coerced out of it with a quick distraction and she really only does this at home or at the Crossfit gym (her second home). 

I know everyone says "oh this is the funnest stage!", but every stage has been fun for me in it's own way. While I personally preferred the newborn "nap-all-day-every-day" stage, having Vivian communicate more and more with me is really exciting. She is so smart and funny.
 My favorite? When she leans in to give me a kiss when I say "I love you".

Thoughts on Character.

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

When I think about raising Vivian I get overwhelmed. I want to protect her from the imperfect things about life. I have dreams for her, I want her to be a smart, happy, and genuine person. While I make these grand plans for my 1 and a half year old.. I know that children will be who they want to be in the end. As a parent (feel free to roll your eyes at me at any time seasoned parents! or my own parents… haha) I know that I can only teach her right from wrong and hope that she makes the right choices. 

 I want her to think for herself. Have respect for herself and other people. I want her to have a story, and to share that story with the world in her own unique way. I hope she has a free spirit and stays up late thinking and dreaming about the world. I want her to be more concerned with her character than her appearance. 

In a world that is already so driven by appearances thanks to social media, I worry that Vivian will struggle with her identity. Will she know who she is without needing validation? Will she think that having a life that looks good is more important than one that feels good?

I am careful with the words I use when I talk to her, knowing that one day I won't be able to control what she hears. I am careful with the way I view and talk about myself knowing that one day how I talk to her about myself will become her inner voice.

I know growing up a girl is hard and it will mostly likely only be harder when Vivian gets to that point. But I know that I will do everything I possibly can to raise a daughter who is strong and unwavering in her self confidence and brimming with compassion. I'll help to build her character so that when the time comes for her to make the hard decisions.. she'll already know who she is and the kind of person she wants to be. 



Jumping in With Both Feet.

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

I've already started this blog post in a draft a few nights ago but just kind of ended up going on this long rant and barely even getting to my point, ha! So… lets try this again shall we?

I'm going to be a doula! 

Let me tell you what a doula is, then I'll explain why and how I decided that it was something I want to do. 

A doula, as defined by DONA International (the organization that I will certify though); is a trained and experienced professional who provides continuous physical, emotional, and informational support to the mother before, during, and just after birth.

When I found out we were having a baby, I knew that I wanted to have a non medicated natural hospital birth. While I never really thought about having children much, I already knew how I would do it. When I looked back on it I couldn't really explain why I felt the need to bring a child into this world without the use of modern medicine. It wasn't until after reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth that I knew that natural childbirth was right for me. I felt that desire because my body was made to create, deliver, and nourish a baby! The desire was organically driven. 

I never even knew what a doula was until reading Ina May's book! I even interviewed one until we decided that we really couldn't afford to hire one since we had just moved here and still hadn't found a place to live. 

After having had a wonderful, dreamy natural hospital birth.. I truly understood the role of a doula. And I feel like most women who have given birth (medicated or not) can agree that during labor and delivery you can use all the support you can get! From the day I had Vivian I felt this urge to help other women realize their true strength.

While the spouse or partner is an invaluable part of support during labor and delivery, a doula has been trained extensively on ways to help the mother emotionally as well as physically and it's her sole purpose while she's there. 

Some doulas describe what they do as "mothering the mother". I saw a quote one time describing a doula as not a friend, or a care provider but as "mother in the most ancient sense". It really resonated with me, it struck a cord in me that I have never felt before. For the first time in my life I felt a calling. 

Most people who know me know that I'm passionate about natural childbirth. I can talk about it without end and never get tired or less enthusiastic about it (just ask my husband.. or my sister haha). It's not just non medicated childbirth that I feel passionate about, but the idea of giving birth back to women.. making them confident and knowledgable in their choices and decisions. There are many ways to give birth, and what's right for one woman isn't right for another. But childbirth is one of the biggest spiritual experiences in a woman's life, and that deserves some reverence. 

I want to give women the knowledge and tools to make their own decisions so that they can birth however they feel most confident. I want to give her the strength when she feels like she absolutely can not go one more minute.. because after all the strength is and will always be inside of her, sometimes all it takes is a kind word and a gentle touch. 

Childbirth isn't something that just happens to a woman, it is something that she is born to do and I believe that if more women had the support of someone like a doula that their birth experience can be even more positive and empowering than ever thought possible. 

I went back and forth about whether it was something I could accomplish. I didn't want to let my people down. But it is because of my friends and family that I am pursuing this dream, and I couldn't be more excited!

Annnnd there it is! While I probably did ramble a bit there in the middle, it is still a heck of a lot shorter than my first go ;) 


Vivian at 16 Months

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

My sweet girl is 16 (and a few odd weeks) old and things have been rough around here. There are plenty of moments when my skin hurts because she is so precious and I love her so much and there have times where I feel like I'm going to loose my everything.

"Want your pacifier? I don't like you to have it unless you're sleeping... but I am desperate!" 
Pacifier thrown at my face.


"Want some blueberries? Go ahead and walk around with them because it keeps you happy for ohhh… 2 minutes." 
Blueberries everywhere. 


When did my 16 month old suddenly start to act like a 16 year old? Sometimes when she's scream-crying while I'm trying to change the worst diaper of all time, I feel like I might join in on her song. 

We were having an awesome run about two months ago where she was a breeze to put down for naps and at night. When my baby (who never has been a good sleeper) only woke up once or twice a night AND put her self back to sleep! I was starting to find my groove (and my sanity!) as a mom. 

That was my first mistake.
 I got too comfortable and Vivian doesn't like it when I'm not on my toes. 


Things are finally starting to get better after a month or two of no naps and no sleep (for anyone). 
While she's still hard to put down for naps- she does eventually take a good 1.5/2 hour long one.. most days.
While she no longer drifts off peacefully by her self at night- she only needs to lay with me and Kevin for a few minutes until she's out.
While she wakes up multiple times a night- she usually goes back to sleep pretty quickly when she's in bed with me. 

We regressed from what I thought was "perfect" to umm.. "not my idea of fun" 
So the universe and my daughter decided to teach me a lesson, perfect is what you make it.   

SO This is Vivian at 16 months:
4 top teeth and 2 bottom teeth with 2 molars coming in painfully slow
Blonde as blonde can be barely-there-hair that neither curls nor is capable of being put in a pig tail
Nurses whenever mom needs a break from the crying
Probably eats too many blueberries and food pouches
Still uses a pacifier at naps and bedtime but recently whenever a melt down is occurring (for both her and me)
Doesn't sleep in her crib much and prefers to sleep cuddled with me (I melt when her little arm wraps around me)
Plays with iPhone apps when it's too early or too late for this mama to entertain her 
Drinks the pool water 
& is absolutely the most perfect little girl I could have ever imagined. 

I probably still complain too much and react too dramatically to things I have no control over (like mother like daughter?!) but I'm trying. I'm trying to roll with the punches, pick my battles, and not wish away these first few years and moments with Vivian because they'll be gone all too soon. 

16 months of being a mom has been oh so good for my soul.






Truthful Friday No.6

Friday, August 15, 2014
Happy Friday! Fridays always seem a bit better than any other day of the week because it means hubby isn't working as much and even has a whole day off Sunday! I'm a mom so I don't really have "weekends" but having some extra help around the house really.. helps me out! I usually pretty burned out by Friday mentally and physically from all of the working out that goes on during the week. So I'm all about weekends because it means wine, carbs, and maybe doing a little less house work! Haha
So with all the celebrating that usually comes with Thursday turning into Friday, I want to talk about how I've been trying to stop "working for the weekend" (yeah that song is stuck in my head now!).

It seems that for a lot of my life I have been waiting. I just wanted to finish school so I could "start" my life or I couldn't wait until summer, or fall, or winter… or spring! I kept waiting for the next thing instead of enjoying what has going on right now. I've talked about being present before (probably a few times now..) but sorry, I'm not sorry! I think that it's the biggest contributor to the unhappiness we create for our selves. 

We wish our way though our current situations thinking "oh I'd be so much happier if.." then flash forward to "if" and we're onto the next wish. While it's not bad to have goals, if you're not appreciating where you are now, you'll wake up one day with nothing. 

Happiness is a journey, not a destination. 

So I've been trying to treat everyday like its Friday. I know that it's the tiny seeds we plant in our everyday that grow into the huge garden that is our life. So everyone of those seeds deserves to be planted with attention, time, and love. 


Some Midweek Motivation

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

I have a bit on my mind that I've been thinking about for entirely too long.
It's kind of my thing.. thinking too much. 
I work my poor brain and heart up with back and forth banter, 
indecisiveness, and hesitation. 
What if I fail?
What if I embarrass myself?
But when I finally do just do it
(because I always end up doing it in the end)
I feel awesome,
kindaa of like a super hero.

From my experience the regret that stings the most 
is inaction. 

So if you're on the fence about doing something..
consider this your sign from the universe.





Truthful Friday No. 5

Friday, August 1, 2014
One Truthful Friday post every few months is pretty good right?! 

I've been feeling extra present lately. Maybe it has a lot to do with the amount I've been working out lately, giving me a release and freeing up some of my mental space for the sweet little things. 

Lately Vivian has been going down at night so easily. It used to be a nightmare to get her to go down at the end of the day and that fact that she would usually wake up just a few hours later (and then again a few hours after that.. then again!) didn't make putting her to sleep any easier. But my sweet girl is finally starting to sleeping though the night (honestly? she still wakes up at least once but I'll take it) and to top it off, she goes down without a hitch! 

Every night we say goodnight to Daddy and give him a kiss then Vivian and I head into her room to rock and nurse. I turn on her nightlight, fan, and sound machine and we get into the glider. She likes to rub a corner of one of her blankets on her nose while she nurses. The room is dark, but the nightlight gives me just enough light to see the collage of pictures above her dresser. Her newborn canvas is right in the middle and I look at that while I rock and hold my not so little baby. I look over to her open closet where all her pretty girly clothes are hanging so carefully, I picture her wearing them the next day. Then I look down and see two little eyes getting very heavy. Her head is nestled into the crook of my elbow and I can see the outline of her head with tiny white hairs sticking out in all directions. It's not long before I set in her her crib and she rolls over with her pacifier and blanket up to her nose.

It's in that moment that I take a mental picture, every night. I know she won't be this little forever. I know she won't want to nurse or rock in my arms forever. And it will be too soon that I won't need to get up in the middle of the night to sooth her. 
So it's in those quite moments in the dark that I become infinite,
there is no end or beginning for me as her mother.
I've been made for moments like these with my daughter and she is my forever.
 
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