Truthful Friday No. 5

One Truthful Friday post every few months is pretty good right?! 

I've been feeling extra present lately. Maybe it has a lot to do with the amount I've been working out lately, giving me a release and freeing up some of my mental space for the sweet little things. 

Lately Vivian has been going down at night so easily. It used to be a nightmare to get her to go down at the end of the day and that fact that she would usually wake up just a few hours later (and then again a few hours after that.. then again!) didn't make putting her to sleep any easier. But my sweet girl is finally starting to sleeping though the night (honestly? she still wakes up at least once but I'll take it) and to top it off, she goes down without a hitch! 

Every night we say goodnight to Daddy and give him a kiss then Vivian and I head into her room to rock and nurse. I turn on her nightlight, fan, and sound machine and we get into the glider. She likes to rub a corner of one of her blankets on her nose while she nurses. The room is dark, but the nightlight gives me just enough light to see the collage of pictures above her dresser. Her newborn canvas is right in the middle and I look at that while I rock and hold my not so little baby. I look over to her open closet where all her pretty girly clothes are hanging so carefully, I picture her wearing them the next day. Then I look down and see two little eyes getting very heavy. Her head is nestled into the crook of my elbow and I can see the outline of her head with tiny white hairs sticking out in all directions. It's not long before I set in her her crib and she rolls over with her pacifier and blanket up to her nose.

It's in that moment that I take a mental picture, every night. I know she won't be this little forever. I know she won't want to nurse or rock in my arms forever. And it will be too soon that I won't need to get up in the middle of the night to sooth her. 

So it's in those quite moments in the dark that I become infinite,

there is no end or beginning for me as her mother.

I've been made for moments like these with my daughter and she is my forever.