Taking Time to Heal.

I wrote the following post a few weeks ago. I didn't post it because I thought maybe it was too whiny? I often think people won't get these kinds of posts because they're not pretty. But honestly, this is how I've been feeling a lot lately. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of times in my day when my cheeks hurt from smiling and I think "this is my life.. and it's pretty great!".
Since I was in middle school I've struggled with depression and anxiety, low self esteem and self harm and while I've made so much progress in my life and am happy with where I am mentally and emotionally, I can sometimes feel myself slip back into my old ways. It's so easy because it was comfortable to me for so long.


I could use a little inspiration today. 

I've been feeling unclear and mentally drained.

I've always had a rapid fire brain and I can jump from zero to crazy in only seconds.

I know exactly what my mind needs, what it craves.. but it's hard when I have a sweet little one year old who demands all of my attention 98% of the time. 

I need some alone time, maybe in the mountains

I need the chanting of friend to lead me into peaceful mindfulness

I need to hit the pause button 

I need to heal my emotional wounds instead of slapping on a bandaid

But for the moment a hot yoga class will have to make due

where I can sweat out  everything-

get out every last drop of self criticism

& Crossfit where I can lift something heavier than my problems.

I just have to keep calm.

keep breathing.

keep smiling.


With that being said, I'm going to do something about it. I need to simplify my life in order to slow things down and take care of myself. Heal myself. After some thinking and reflecting I've decided to cut out social media for awhile, until I get into a good flow. I know what your thinking "is she that obsessed with Facebook/Instagram?!"... yeah.. I kinda think I am haha. While I don't spend every minute of every day on it, sometimes stuff I see on there gets to me and kind of breaks me down. Makes me feel self conscious or not good enough. I find myself trying to impress other people or make my life look "good" thinking that it will manifest itself in real life. So I'm going to take a break. Work on things from the inside out

I wrote a post about how being a mother has changed the way I handle difficult times, and this is no different. I can't keep letting myself brush off feelings in hopes they'll fix themselves.
This is the year of zero bullshit!

I'll continue to blog once or twice a week because I find that it's a place for me to be open and honest with myself, also to share what I'm doing to heal myself (AND to post ridiculous amounts of pictures of Vivian! because I know thats why half of you all come here (; ).

So I'm pretty excited and looking forward to slowing things down and taking a break for a bit.
I hope you'll check back here from time to time ;)