Making Time For Myself

I've been trying to make more time for myself lately. Having a baby makes it hard to set aside some time to do some things for yourself, but I think that doing very thing is important for your sanity! I often feel guilty if I put Vivian down for a nap and instead of cleaning I catch up on one of my shows or paint my nails. 

                                

  I'm one of those people who feel the need to have so many balls in the air at once (I almost need the feeling of being overwhelmed!). I put so much pressure on myself to be the perfect mother and wife that I sort of loose myself. Before getting married and having Vivian, I was me. I liked going to movies late on a weekday by myself, reading books for hours at a time, and really listening to music. While I might not have time, opportunity, or even the desire to do many of the things I once enjoyed doing "pre-family" life.. I can still do things that are done solely for the purpose of nurturing MY soul. 

  As mothers we feel the need (biological and self assigned) to sacrifice many things to make sure our families are healthy and happy. While many of us are more than happy and willing to give up many things for our children, we also forget that we are people with needs too. 

  And that's were I found myself a week ago. I was starting to go stir crazy in the house and my sweet baby had become a teething monster! I decided that it didn't mean I was a bad mother if I felt like I was going to loose my mind if I did not get away from this screaming, grumpy baby.. if only for an hour! It meant that I am still very much Bria- not just a walking (barely), talking (babbling), milk making service. 

  A friend once told me that it was important not to loose yourself when getting married and after having a child I think that that's even more important. If you're not taking care of yourself and allowing yourself to grow as an individual you're not being the best possible version of yourself for your husband or child. 

                    

  So with that realization I have been consciously taking steps to be better to myself. I've been making time to do things that make me feel taken care of- I've been going to Crossfit, I taught myself how to knit, and I've been taking that shower I crave but often put off in place of laundry. I've gone out for a glass of wine and food with a girl friend, and I painted my nails. I've found that I can do all of these things while still being a good mother for Vivian. I think I'm an even better mother because I don't feel so run down and neglected. 

  Kevin and I have even gone out sans baby! It was only the second time we've gone out just us two since Viv was born. Things went so well with my sister-in-law watching Vivian that I can see many more dates in our future. 

 

T-Day Recap

  I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving! We had a pretty low key day, spending half of it in comfortable clothes and hanging out around the house. I was baking all morning while Kevin watched Vivian. After I had made my (first!) apple pie and some double chocolate chip cookies I played with Viv while Kevin played Call of Duty (something he had talked about all week haha) until it was time for us to leave for Kevin's mom's house.  It was just us, his two sisters, and mother for dinner but it was so fun.

My first pie! I followed a friends recipe and it came out so good

This is the best picture we could get with little miss grump

  Vivian was pretty fussy most of the time, but we managed to get a few smiles from her. She is still working on getting her first tooth so I'm sure she was uncomfortable due to teething. But the most eventful part of our holiday was the rough time she we had the night before resulting in lots of tears and lost sleep. 

  We woke up at 2:30am to Vivian crying her poor little eyes out. She's had a cough the past few days, and I have a cold so we were pretty miserable already. I brought her to our bed and tried to comfort her with nursing but she was not having it. I was so tired and sick I wanted to cry! Usually I can nurse Vivian and she's out like a light within minutes, but I'm guessing her gums were aching so she didn't want to eat. So I thought a diaper change might calm her down enough to fall back asleep. I headed into her room and took off her diaper and cleaned her up, since she was still hysterical I thought she might be calmer if I finished diapering her in our room. I grabbed a fresh diaper and left her room. 

  So I'm in the hall way with a screaming baby with tears running down her cheeks…. and she pees on me. I was already so frustrated, clenching my jaw only wanting to go back to sleep! Just when I though my little bunny was done.. she started peeing again! It was then that I couldn't help but start laughing. It could have had to do with the delirious state I was in, but I could not. stop. laughing! Kevin came out of our room and looked confused and asked what I was doing. ("Oh you now, just standing here in a puddle of pee laughing my ass off while I look like a homeless person with my bun lopsided on my head..") I got myself under control and asked him to finish diapering her while I went and changed. 

  It wasn't until 4am that Vivian finally fell asleep. She still woke up a few more times but went back to sleep pretty easily. It was one of the worst nights we've had in a long time. While Viv was crying I tried to keep reminding myself of all the things I had to be grateful for. I'm glad that I can still laugh at myself and I'm grateful that I have a husband who helps me see the lighter side of things. 

Looking back on the night I can laugh because just when things were getting ridiculously frustrating- I got peed on.  And I remembered to not take things so seriously.  

Thankful 2013

  Last Thanksgiving I remember thinking how thankful I was to be pregnant and have the chance to become a mother, I was also thankful to be in Idaho with Kevin's family and being able to get to know them all after two years in Alaska. The year before that I was thankful that Kevin was home safe from Afghanistan and I would never have to spend one more holiday away from him.

Last Year- Thanksgiving Day

20 Weeks Pregnant

This Thanksgiving we're settled into our own (rental) home with our sweet and healthy baby girl. Kevin likes his job and he works hard to allow me to stay home and raise our daughter. We've made so many friends this past year as well as planted some seeds for our future. I don't know if I've ever felt so grateful for what I have.

                     

I think too often we can get caught up on what we don't have. We make our plans around getting things or doing things so much so that we forget to take in what we have now and appreciate where we are now. For me, having a child has really made me appreciate every little thing. It's watching Vivian grow up so fast right before my eyes that makes me wish I would freeze time and really soak in moments. 

                       

                           

                        

                         

Children make you realize that the most important things aren't things.

 Family is most important and that is what I'm most thankful for this year.   

Planning an Ugly Sweater Party

Next month I'm throwing our first ( and hopefully!) annual Ugly Sweater Christmas party. To avoid missing out on having time to throw a party I've started making lists of food and drinks, decorations, and possible games for the party. Pinterest is where I'll be getting most of my ideas from and here are a few of my current inspirations!  

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I plan on possibly doing something a little earlier in the day, so I'm planning brunch like buffet. I love the idea of french toast sticks in individual cups with syrup at the bottom! Doesn't seem like it would create as big of a sticky mess. I also want to make donut hole kabobs with fruit, and as I was typing that I got the idea of a donut christmas tree… Haha. 

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We'll have a hot chocolate bar with various add-ons. Ill also freeze some whipped cream to put in the hot chocolate. Im still thinking of a way to have a good amount of milk heated (and keep it that way!) and ready. 

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What's a party without some champagne?! Enter the mimosa bar. Since it's early in the day, fruit juice will make the champagne completely acceptable. 

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I like the paper chains and the colors in this picture. I also plan on making a bunting banner with a Christmasy saying. I've been hoarding thoughtfully saving empty wine bottles to use for a craft for the holidays too, so that'll be finally happening. 

Ill probably have some Christmas music playing, or maybe a Christmas movie (Christmas Vacation anyone?). I plan on making a variety of cookies that our guests can fill up a paper big with as a party favor. So there's a lot to do but I think I can pull it off! I'm glad I decided to get an early start on this because just showering with a 7 month old is difficult most days, let alone throwing a party!

I'm super excited to have a party, especially one around the holidays. I love any excuse to get our family together! 

Holiday Excitement!

First (Real) Snow of The Year

November 16, 2013

  I'm really looking forward to the holidays this year as they're Vivian's firsts! Although she won't have any idea of what's going on (for a few years), I can't wait for the extra family time and getting to watch her reactions to the hustle of the holidays! There are a few things that I'm especially excited for..

  Thanksgiving Dinner- Vivian has finally made a break though with Baby Lead Feeding and is starting to actually chew gum the food I give her. That means she's actually getting some food in her belly and not just on the floor and in her hair. I'm excited to be able to give her a few pieces of food off of my plate and see her reaction to it. Thanksgiving also means more family will be in town and a lot of them haven't met Vivian yet.

  Decorating for Christmas!!!- I haven't really decorated for fall/Thanksgiving because not too much goes on at our house (and I've been slacking on the crafting department in favor of naps). But I have made a list of all the things I plan on making for Christmas to make our home cheery and bright. I told Kevin that I was probably going to put the tree up before Thanksgiving so we can take our picture for Christmas cards but he basically told me that it was against the rules of the universe.. haha so looks like Ill be waiting until after Thanksgiving.

  Ugly Sweater Party- I have been wanting to throw a holiday party for awhile now. I wanted to throw a Halloween shindig but didn't have time to plan it. Since I was talking about an ugly sweater party last year and it didn't happen, it's totally happening this year! I've picked a date and have started making lists of food and drinks (I'll post more on the party planning later). I hope that it will turn into a yearly thing!

  My 23rd Birthday- I don't know why I'm so excited.. I think it might have to do with Vivian again, I remember taking a belly picture on my birthday last year and this year she'll be in my arms!

  Christmas.. duh!- I can already see Vivian's eyes watching people open presents. I'm hoping the sounds of ripping paper will make her giggle, not cry! Maybe Vivian will be crawling by then and she can navigate through the paper to her grandparents and aunts. I'm not sure what we're going to get her yet, but I'm going to start the tradition of 4 presents this year (1 thing she wants, 1 things she needs, 1 thing she wears, 1 thing she reads) I think its a pretty well balanced idea. When she's older I'm also going to have her pick some toys that we can wrap and give away. I'm going to make a big pancake breakfast the morning of before we head to meet up with family. I want to make it an extra special time of year since we'll be getting a bit more time with each other, so festive is my key word!

  The Littlest Things-  Mostly I'm excited for the small things… Seeing Vivian met new family, the smell of turkey and a good glass of red wine, the first time Vivian sees the Christmas tree, driving around to look at Christmas lights while Vivian sleeps in the back seat (haha is this too hopeful?!), and waking Vivian up on Christmas morning.

Vivian has been rolling everywhere lately! 

She also does this half craw/half slide on her head thing to get where she wants to go. 

Dear Vivian- 6 Months

              

 



Dear Vivian,

  You are 6 (nearly 7!) months old and I wanted to write a little something to record this time in your life so maybe one day we can look back together.

  You are sitting up on your own and very good at bending all the way forward to grab a toy and pulling yourself back up into the sitting position. You also roll all over the floor and I often find you a good few feet from here I left you before stepping into the kitchen! You're finally coming out of the "I want to scream all the time even if nothing is bothering me simply because I love to hear my own shrills and watch mommy squirm" phase, and now only scream when your excited. You also pant like a puppy when your excited and wave your arms around. 

  When you want to be picked up you extend your arms and open and close your sweet little hands. Hands that love to pull my hair out of it's bun and pull on my collar bone and scratch my arm (ouch!) while nursing. You're still a great nurser but starting to get distracted so we have to be in a calm environment if I want you to finish eating. You nurse every 2-4 hours and show no signs of stopping which makes me hopeful that we'll reach our first goal of 1 year of breastfeeding!

  You love your daddy, I'm starting to think that you know what time he's supposed to come home because if he's running late you start looking all over the house. You and dad like to listen to (very!) loud music and sometimes you even fall asleep! I think that you're going to be a drummer like him, too.  

  Sometimes you come to the Crossfit gym with me and your dad. You sit in your infant carseat with your pacifier and some toys. You're such a happy baby and everyone who meets you always says how well behaved you are. 

  You still sleep in our bed and as much as I absolutely love having you close we've been taking steps to get you out of our bed and into your own so we can all get a better nights sleep. You're currently waking up anywhere from 4 to 6 times a night. I'm going to remember you waking me up at all hours of the night and early morning when I'm pulling you out of bed for school.. and I will smile. We started putting you down for naps still awake in your pack and play in our room and your napping like a rockstar (probably because you dont sleep at night?)!

  While you nap I catch up on dishes or laundry, but sometimes I just sit on the couch and watch the baby monitor and wait for you to wake up so I can walk in and say "good morning!" (even though it's not the morning) and "did you sleep good?!" (even though I know you did because you're all smiles).

  Our typical day goes a little like this...

8:30/9am- wake up and lay in bed cuddling until you start getting 

crazy then we get up and change your diaper. Then I try to eat breakfast with you on my lap and usually end up getting oatmeal on the couch.

10:30/11am- you start showing signs of your sleepless night and I put you down 

for your first nap of the day.

12/12:30pm- I sit you down on a blanket in the living room and we play with your toys, while I try to eat lunch without you pulling it from my hands/off my plate.

1pm- I put you in your high chair and try to get you to feed yourself squash or avocado. You're happy and definitely enjoying yourself.. but eating? You're not having it. Then you get a bath because the food always ends up in your hair, and on the floor. 

2:30/3pm- nap #2

4pm- We play some more and then get dressed to go for a walk. We usually go down to the neighborhood park and swing for a bit then do a loop around the neighborhood and look at all the holiday decorations and flowers.

5:30pm- You play on the living room floor while I start to prep dinner, peaking in at every little noise you make.

6pm- Sometimes you nap here... sometimes you just like to sing (shriek) in your highchair while I finish up dinner.

7:30pm- Your dad comes home and we always walk over to him in the doorway and say hello

8:30-10pm- The rest of the evening is spent passing you back and forth while we finish dinner and watch some TV. We play a little more and then you get your night time diaper and jammies. I walk you around the living room with your pacifier and usually you fall asleep in my arms.

                  

 

Thank you for not waking up so early, after waking up so many times a night it's nice to sleep in.

 Thank you for not throwing many tantrums when were out of the house.

 but most of all 

 Thank you for making my days so full of happiness and hope, 

 a day with you is never a bad day.

Love,
Your Mommy

Thoughts on Motherhood- 6 Months

  Here we are, 6 months in on this grand adventure of motherhood! I know every parent on the planet has said at one point on their lives "where has the time gone?!", or "treasure every moment because it all goes by so fast!". Well.. it might be cliché but it's also so true! It's hard to believe that Vivian has been here for 6 (almost 7!) months. The experience has been more incredible than I could have ever imagined. I have felt emotions I never thought possible and realms of sleeplessness I didn't know existed! To commemorate this half-year milestone I thought I'd blog my thoughts of motherhood thus far..

  Sleep isn't as important as you think..

 (Oh, but it's wonderful when it happens!)

  Vivian has never been much of a sleeper at night. I think the longest stretch she's done is 6 hours and thats only happened twice. Lately she's up 4 or more times a night but we're in the process of helping her learn to soothe her self when she wakes up hoping that one day this momma will be able to get sleep in stretches longer then 2 or 3 hours! 

  For awhile I was finding myself so frustrated in the mornings. I felt so bad for being grumpy around Kevin when he was just leaving for work and being not so patient with Vivian first thing in the morning. That's all changed the past week when I realized that there are some moms who are up every hour multiple times a week with their babies and Vivian has only done that once or twice when she was a new born. I also think of what a miracle babies are and that there are so many things that could go wrong and how lucky we are to have a healthy little girl. So my 2/3 hours are nothing to complain about. 

  I hold on to the idea of sleep and that one day I'll get a solid nights rest, and until then I wont complain about a lack of sleep or let it effect any minute with Vivian. 

Every One is Someone's Baby

  Having Vivian has made me appreciate my parents more than I ever have. I think about Vivian talking to me the way I've talked to my parents sometimes and I shudder! Or if she ever comes home later than she was told to and how much worry and fear I'll have that something happened to her. It really puts the world into perspective- thinking of every person you see as someones baby boy or girl. There's so much love and time a parent puts into their child and then they watch them take off into the world on their own. It makes me so sad to see and hear about bombings and murders or suicides because I think of the parents and what a heartbreaking experience it must be to lose a child. So if anything, becoming a mother has made me have a more compassionate and empathetic outlook on the world. 

Live in the Moment

  Its so easy to get caught up in the past and to worry about the future. Now add the distractions of modern day technology and where are you? Not where you're supposed to be, present. I've been making a point of leaving my phone in the other room while Vivian is awake and just play with her when she's up. A lot of times that means I miss calls from friends and family or the kitchen stays dirty half of the day, but it also means that I'm taking in as much as possible from my time with Viv while she's little. Because one day before I know it, I'll be dropping her off around the corner from her school because she doesn't want to be seen with her mom. Haha

Which kinda leads perfectly into....

Whatever it is, it Can Wait

  Because what's more important than that?